texasson's Blog

 I'd like to take just a few minutes to clarify some obvious misunderstandings by some who have read my posts. I may appear sanctimonious to some, but the truth is, up to a certain point in my life, I was the best example of what I now speak out against. I know, from personal experience, what it is to be evil at heart and void of caring about anyone but myself and those I closely associated myself with. I grew up in the Texas Panhandle and was raised in a family-owned construction business. Being the middle child out of five boys, I was kind-of seperated by age from my younger and older brothers to the point where the two older hung out with each other and the same with the two younger ones. I didn't have much to do with any of them growing up, except to be tormented by the older two and ignored by the younger two. So, left to my own devices, and coupled with the fact that north Amarillo in the '60's and '70's was a pretty boring place, I let my imagination take me to different places. I became fascinated with the world of the outlaw biker in my early teens. I also had a fascination with the United States Marine Corps. By the age of sixteen, I had my first Harley and already developed a "biker attitude" toward the general public. Anything I could do to freak someone out was not out of the question. As I look back on those years, I can only see the beginning of a lifestyle that served me poorly throughout the following 30 years. At age 18, I enlisted in the Marines and got in on the tail-end of the Viet Nam war. Upon returning to the U.S., I was stationed at Camp Pendelton in Southern California. With the "biker attitude" fully intact and now fully combat-trained by the meanest branch of the armed forces on the planet, I was of the self-imposed impression that I was the baddest-a** on the face of the earth, and that's pretty much how I presented myself everywhere I went. Over time I associated myself with other Marines who were of the "biker persuasion". In 1970's So. California, being a biker was akin to being the scourge of society. That's how we liked it. We were the type of people, that if we pulled up next to you and your family at a red light, you would most assuredly roll-up your windows and lock your doors and turn right whether you wanted to or not. We figured, if nobody expected anything but the worst from us, who were we to disappoint them? I pretty much held that attitude for the next 30-35 years, before circumstances in my life caused me to stop and actually take a look at the wake of destruction I had left behind me, and where that behavior had left me. Now, as I read through the blogs on this site, I see a lot of the "old me" in the postings of many contributors. I see the hate, the predujice, the narrow-mindedness, the selfishness and many other negative traits that dominated my thinking for too many years.

 I guess that's where my relationship with God began. I had found myself in some dire situations...some of which I am still trying to straighten out...that I blamed on everyone except the one who was truly to blame...me. I found that once I accepted the blame for the mess I found myself in and asked for God's intercession, a clearer picture of what I had done and what I needed to do to make things right came into focus. I started listening to my heart, instead of the noise of the world. I understood what had been missing in my life and what there was too much of. My very existence began to take on new direction and new meaning. The more I experienced, the more I wanted, the closer I got to He that saved me from myself. Here I am today. Be glad you were lucky enough not to have run into me and my bunch before I realized the error of my ways. You could have been one of those left lying in a pool of their own blood and teeth.

 So, when it seems like I'm coming on a little strong when I try to push the virtues in us all, try to remember that I know what evil is. I lived it. I thank God ten times a day for taking that out of my heart. So, when I say "Don't shoot the messenger", just realize that none of what I write is from me. Part of my salvation and regeneration in the Holy Spirit is to deliver the word to whomever wants peace in their life. Another part of it is to live as an example to others. For too many years, I was the epitomy of how NOT to live your life. I am now simply a servant of the Lord. I judge no one, although I can see a little piece of the "old me" in folks that lash out at each other. I am not here to pass judgement or criticize, only to pass along the message from Him to you. Your perception of that message and what you do or don't do with it is totally up to you. My responsibility stops with the deliverance thereof. God will judge us all in the end. My only real concern these days is to live life to His Glory and His Honor, to spread the word of His everlasting love and to assist those in need. That's about it. The things that used to consume my thoughts and cause me sleepless nights are no longer of any concern. I still ride motorcycles...I'll ride until I die, I suppose...the difference now is, I ride towards righteousness instead of away from it. I ride towards the truth. I witness His word and His forgiveness of sin and His boundless love every chance I get, to anyone who wants to hear it.

 So, I'll warn you now. I'm pretty sure that anything I write from here on out will make reference to my faith and to what God can do for those who seek Him. I may comment on current events or other different topics, but I have the ability to see things from angles most people can't or won't. My task unto the Lord is to tell the truth about whatever I see. If I don't speak the truth about any situation that I feel worthy of comment, I can't get to where I want and need to be with my Lord. I don't wish anything bad on anyone, but it took some pretty devestating events in my life to open, first my eyes, then my heart, to what God could do for me. My hope is that it doesn't take catastrophy to bring you to the Lord. Today, I'm kind of quiet and reserved, I have a sense of humor and I appreciate every day that I can raise my head off of my pillow. There are those that will scorn me, I know. I used to be one of them. That was BEFORE I let God take control over my life. Now I realize that they who shoot arrows at me, are shooting arrows at God.  Peace and Love be with you all in the name of Our Lord Jesus Christ.   Amen

The Messenger

 As of this writing...Mother's Day 2008, I find myself looking at a country in the midst of a crisis. Not just looking at it, but living in it, as well. Seems every day, there is some evidence of this country's downward spiral. Higher oil prices, higher food prices, declining real-estate market, failing financial corproations, record numbers of forclosed mortgages, new scandals uncovered in our government and private corporations, new epidemics of various drug-resistant diseases, more crime, more violence, more tolerance for what used to be considered intolerable behavior, more wars, more poverty, more homelessness, more welfare recipients, more unwed mothers, more prisons and more prisoners, and the list of negatives just keeps getting longer and meaner. Were it not for my steadfast faith in God, I would have no choice, as a reasonably educated adult, but to be scared to death by what I am witnessing in this country and around the world on a daily, and sometimes an hourly basis. The perplexities that face this country alone are staggering. The plight of the world as a whole is cause for concern of its' own. However, we, as Americans, have a history of living in a country that has received blessings far and above those bestowed upon any other country in the world in terms of personal freedoms, boundless opportunities, self-sufficiency and victories over those who would have done harm to us and our way of life, dating up to and including the second world-war. That's when the U.S., as a country, began to take a downward turn that has increased in scope and speed to this very day.

 History books prove it...I'm not just making this stuff up. We were successful in world-war 2 and fought to a draw in Korea. We got our butts handed to us on the way out of Vietnam and have suffered one defeat and one embarrassment after another up to and including the present day (Mogadishu, Panama, etc.). And here we are, no closer to bringing our troops home from a futile conflict, started by hatred and vengeance and perpetuated by greed, than five years ago when this sin was first committed.

 Sin? What am I talking about...sin? Yup, that's exactly what I meant. You remember earlier when I mentioned my steadfast faith in God? Well, I wasn't just saying that to be cool, or witty or anything else except honest. If you can find it in yourself to be honest with yourself as you read the rest of my diatribe, maybe you'll get as clear a view as I have on the state of the world around us. Bear with me and indulge me for just a moment...

 This country was founded on religious beliefs. It was founded on the belief that all men were created equal under God, and that all men had inalienable rights...life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. For its' first 175 years, this country and her inhabitants were bound by a very strong moral fabric. Since the 1950's and the introduction of "liberlaism" and the allowance by the general public of a "loosening" of the moral fiber that constituted that fabric, it has un-ravelled at our feet and we find ourselves with the mess we see before us as we go out our front doors each day. Mountains of "loose ends"...debt. Piles of unrecognizable things that used to be the order and peace of our daily lives. I guess I should quit trying to romanticize it and just call it for what it is...America the Beautiful...once blessed by God Almighty because we owed our very existence to His grace and sang, as a nation, His praises, has become America the Dirty...America the Down-trodden, America the Shamefull, America the Greedy...there are a thousand-and-one names for this country that better describe what it has become than "America the Beautiful". I fear that, unless there is a spiritual awakening in this country, unless the citizens of this once-great nation realize the nature of their individual and collective sins and how we have, as a country, thrown God right out the door, the only direction we can expect to head is DOWN! What else can you expect? If you call yourself a "person of faith"...moreover a Christian, can you honestly tell me that you are living to repay the debt you owe Him for the sacrifices He made for you on the Cross, or are you more concerned with making your own way in this world without seeking His Holy guidance? That's what has happened to America. We, those of faith, have sat back and allowed the forces of darkness to legislate God right out of our government. I don't know about your beliefs and unless you are a true believer in the teachings and the Word of Jesus Christ I don't really care what they are, I just know that I would rather my countrys' higher offices be staffed by men and women who bowed their heads in prayer every day, asking for the strength, courage and guidance needed to keep this country strong and free,than by someone who thought their labors didn't need to be brought before the Lord and prayed about. The history books are full-to-overflowing with the records of what has happened to this country since it lost its' moral compass. Like I said earlier...I'm not making this stuff up! Look back at history and see if you don't notice a downward trend in Americas' prosperity about the same time that morals started being relaxed and our covenant relationship with God began to be more for show amongst the self-righteous than for earnest thanksgiving and praise for what He has given us as a nation. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away...don't you see our country being slowly-but-surely taken away from us, the citizens, whose benefit and well-being was to be first consideration of our government? It proves out in the history books that while we were a good, moral, God-fearing society, we could conquer whatever challenge we, as a nation, were faced with. Now, we fear not God as a nation. We lust after the trappings of man and the gloss and glitter of the world. We forget that these things will soon come to pass, and that the one and only constant we have in our lives is Jesus Christ. We live like we have a clue what tomorrow may bring, when in point-of-fact, the best educated minds on earth can't, with any certainty or accuracy,  predict what will happen five minutes from now! Who are you kidding but yourselves if  you think that by ignoring God and His laws, things are going to turn out fine at the hands of mere men? You are witnessing evidence to the contrary every day! If you don't see it, it's because you choose not to. Doesn't mean it doesn't exist, just means you refuse to acknowledge it. Oh, how I don't want to be in your shoes!

 I know I'm gonna get jumped on by the liberals and the athiests (no, I don't capitalize that word like the non-believers) and the devil-worshipers and by those who just don't, for whatever reason, know God and the joy that comes with that relationship. That's alright. As a Christian, I know I'm gonna get stuff hurled at me, but I can't let that keep me from telling the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts, but to know the truth is to find peace. Do you not want peace in your life? Then it's time for each and every Christian to bow your head and ask forgiveness for the sins that got us into this mess, and to ask His eternal guidance and blessings on this sin-ridden nation that we might once again find our faith in the Creator and live in accordance with His will so that this country might rise again in greatness to His Glory and His Honor.

 So, you want to blame Americas' woes on somebody? Start with yourself. If you can't honestly stand in your own footprints and admit that you and your lifestyle, combined with everyone else who puts themselves first before anyone or anything else, might have something to do with the current mess we find ourselves in, then I see no hope for this country. Each and every one of us who believes that God has richly blessed this country owes it to the survival of our nation to re-kindle your relationships with the Almighty. Insist that faith be re-introduced into our government, our schools, our businesses and our daily lives. Don't attend church for appearance sake, but for the right reasons! Pray for those who lead our country to increase their faith, thereby helping to assure this countrys' survival and prosperity. Without giving thanks for blessings received and without praying for continued blessings and guidance and protection, I feel this country is on a collision course with destruction and division. I ask you to consider the Pledge of Allegiance..."One Nation, Under GOD"...and ask yourself when the last time was that you recited it. Are you starting to see what I see all-too-clearly? That seperated from God, this country is doomed to failure? If so, then I strongly urge you to go to your Master in solemn prayer and ask that He reverse the trend we see daily. As for me, I don't concern myself with tomorrow. I know that there are no certainties in life except that God loves me and Jesus Christ died on the Cross so that my worldly sins against the Heavenly Father would all be forgiven. I really hate to see my country go down the tubes like this, but I can't save it by myself. I mean, I know what's wrong with it, but my prayers alone and the fact that I try to live by His law aren't enough to save it.  So, I take comfort in the knowledge that whatever happens to this country, I am safe in Christ Jesus. I know the benefits of my relationship with Him and I also know the debt I owe Him for His sacrifices. That and only that is what keeps me from freaking out in this crazy world. I'm 51 years old and until I asked Jesus into my heart, I lived a lonely, scary and often-times very uncertain life. That is no longer the case, and I know by what I am feeling as an individual that this same salvation can be had as a nation. But it's not going to happen until the believers of the Son of Rightesousness come together in His name to reclaim what He has given to us. That which has slowly and carefully been slipped from our grasp by the forces of darkness. That being our beloved America the Beautiful. Christians Unite! Take back our country in the name of The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit! Put God in first place in this country and He will put this country in first place in the world! Shut God out and He will throw us to the wolves! The handwriting is on the wall...the next move is yours!!

 Every time I turn on the tube, flip open the paper or log onto this blog site, I see evidence of the helplessness of the average American. We, the masses, have been reduced to a snivelling mob of "victims". A country full of whiners. The type of people who would rather gripe about their situation than get up off their butts and do something about it! This was once a country of strong conviction. What happened?

 Well, for starters, we've been hood-winked and lied to by nearly every politician we've elected to public office since the 1950's. Instead of electing someone who had a platform that would benefit the voters, we chose to be roped-in by slick T.V ads, designed by corproate advertising agencies who specialize in telling people what they want to hear. The "candidates" are really no more than juiced-up used car salesmen who will say and do anything to move their agendas. Sure, they're phonies from jump-street, but what does that make those of us who voted for them in the first place? How did we become a society of people who seem more interested in whether they have the latest in cell phone technology than a decent person in elected office? Don't you really  want to know why oil prices have surpassed record levels many times in the last year alone, yet all of the major oil companies announce..,ney, trumpet record profits? Is your Grandma cold this winter 'cause she can't pay her electric bill? Are you cold? I guess we are primarily to blame for the predicament in which we currently find ourselves. I mean, we elected everybody from our city councils all the way to the White House, did we not? So, in order to get the ball rolling down the right track, go stand in front of the mirror and point your finger of shame and blame squarely at the first person you see. If you can admit that much, there's hope for you yet. Come on, people. Look around! Food prices, fuel prices, insurance rates, phone, cable and internet rates, general goods and services...they just continue to rise with no end in sight, yet wages have been stagnant in this country for a decade or more. But, every morning we go off to work, apathetic to our own plight. I, personally, have been priced completely out the industry of my trade by dirt-cheap illegal immigrants who will do my job for one-third the money, while the contractors assist them in obtaining fake documents for check-cashing purposes and because, well, they have to turn in a social security number on somebody, right? Regardless if the number actually belongs to an American citizen or not. There's hardly a dirt-work, site-work, excavation, paving or utility contractor in the Austin area that is not in direct violation of several Federal laws concerning immigration.  Yet, they receive government contracts and are payed with monies derived solely from your taxes.  I know there are a lot of other folks out there who feel the effect of illegal immigration. I just had to get completely out of my career vocation, as there's not a decent living to be made for a two-person household. Yeah, I'm in a financial pinch, but I'm not going to give one minute of my time to an employer who has illegal labor on the payroll and doesn't think far-enough back  to remember who helped get their companies established when they weren't as big and ruthless as they are now.

 But, here we all sit. We watch the presidential "debates" (aka photo and sound-byte ops) and watch the candidates bend and twist and change into whatever they need to be to get votes. And we do nothing...we accept the status quo with the promise of change. I've heard "change" from the Washington-elite since I can remember paying attention. I've yet to see any of them truly deliver. But, here we all sit, and we do nothing. The slick-suits in D.C say everything is fine with our economy and we are most definitely not headed for a recession. You know and I know we are. I don't know about you, but I keep getting more month at the end of my money at an ever-increasing rate. We keep getting fed the same B.S. And here we all sit, and we do nothing. We don't swamp our elected representatives with letters phone calls and e-mails. We don't protest in the streets outside of our government offices, court houses and Capitol buildings. No...We all sit, and we do nothing. Well, there is one thing we do well...WHINE!  Oh, yeah! We can whine with the best of them! On a still night, if you're outside and the wind is just right, you can hear a whimper on the breeze...Yep, the corproate elite and the Washington in-crowd have us right where they want us. In a quivering mass. I'd like you to think back to the last time you voted and see if you can remember who you voted for and why you voted for them. What promise or what part of their platform persuaded you to cast you vote for them? Did they deliver? Can you remember? (sniffle,sniffle) Don't cry...you voted for them.

 Let me stop for just a paragraph or so and explain my concept of the ideal candidate for national politics. First, he needs to be a regular guy. You can't represent regular people unless you come from their midst. Second, he needs to be highly regarded by those in his community as a leader, a risk-taker and someone who's not afraid of failure. Third, he should have some solid ideas about how to correct what's wrong with our current government. I don't care if the guy has a college education or not. I'd rather he had a good heapin' dose of common sense than a truck-load of book smarts. College-educated whiz-kids are the mongrel dogs who led us down the road we are on, now. Why should we follow the formally educated, when their collective track-record  is a matter of public record and, if it weren't for the gravity of the current situation, would be considered laughable? I'd rather go into combat behind a grizzled veteran of the trenches than with some fresh, butter-bars lieutenant. Wouldn't you? Why, then, don't we raise someone up out of our neighborhoods whom we know and trust? Someone of character who understands the plight of the everyday American. Some will say, "He needs experience in foreign policy ". My answer to them is "Why?". Those in office with so-called "foreign-policy experience" have soured our image to the world as bullies and capitalist pigs. We only show up if we think we have something to gain. The all-to-familiar guise of promoting democracy is a veil worn thin. No one believes that BLEEP anymore. No one but us, that is. We take the lies, one after another, and line-up for more. We send our sons, daughters, moms and dads off to die in a place and for a cause that ultimately means nothing to the average American. Sure, they have trouble in the mid-east, but we have trouble of our own, right here at home. But, I digress. Some will say that this "Average-Joe Candidate" should be experienced in politics. Again, I ask "Why?". I really don't want someone in office, representing me, who's "down-with-the-game". You see what I'm saying? That's the main problem with D.C politics (State politics, too), is it's all in how you play the game as to whether you can produce for your constituents or not. The "game" needs to be dismantled and politics needs to be made transparent. The whole business of government, with the exception of classified military details, needs to be made available for public observation and inspection, with allowances made for public input. Government is a continual work-in-progress. It needs to be able to take tips from those it serves as to how it might be improved upon. At present, none of us has a voice in how our government is run. And you call this a democracy? Get real!!

 So, maybe you get a little bit of where I'm coming from on the subject of replacing our slick-suited politicians with ordinary people from our communities, and our neighborhoods. If you have a better suggestion as to how we might go about the business of reclaiming what is rightfully ours and not corporate Americas', feel free to set me straight. Until I hear a better idea come out of the crowd, I'll just keep passin' out that cheese to go with your whine...Peace!

 Wanna know why things in your life just won't quite come together? Wanna know why you just can't quite get a handle on life and why it seems like an endless struggle? Maybe the first step is to take a good, long look in the mirror. Before I go any further, allow me to explain that all of which I am about to write is from personal experience.

 If it seems that every day is the same old struggle, it's probably of your own making. I'm not the personal judge of everyone on the planet. That's God's job. I am telling you what I found out about myself and how my attitude affected my daily life. Maybe you can gleen something of interest from my words that may help in your life. I was (notice the past-tense) one of those people who got up every day hoping for the best but expecting the worst. That's what I usually got. I thought that everybody I came in contact with owed me something. I thought that everybody should think the way I do and shunned those that didn't. To best describe my attitude, I would have to call myself selfish and close-minded. Other peoples' problems didn't concern me. I had my own problems and I was willing to match their severity with anyones. I thought that nobody had it worse-off than I did. That's when a small voice inside me that I had been totally ignoring my whole life got just loud enough that I couldn't play it off anymore. There was something to it and my natural human curiosity took over. So, I listened to it. I mean, I sincerely concentrated on what this small voice was trying to tell me. Was I nuts? Did I need therapy? I had a slew of questions when I first started listening, but as time went on, I noticed that there was an order to what I was hearing. There was meaning and purpose. So, I asked myself,"Where is this coming from? This can't be coming from my head!" Well, I knew that I wasn't having these thought on my own. I know me pretty well and I just didn't think that way. In the back of my mind, since an early age, I had always believed in the existence of God. I never had any kind of relationship with Him, except that I knew He existed. I never took much stock or put any faith in what His abilities were as they hadn't ever played a part in my life (or so I thought). I never realized as I was growing up that certain events in my life and certain experiences were put there for a reason. I learned at least something from each and every one of them, but I never put it all together until I started listening to that small voice.

 I grew up in the Texas panhandle in a family of five crazy boys, a dad that was always working and a mom who tried to hold us all together. We were a wild bunch. As I got older, my attitude hardened and I was, in my mind, a real bad-ass. I took on the biker lifestyle at around age 15. Had my first Harley at 16, joined the Marines at 18, and from there my life took one crazy turn after another. I was loose on the world and thought I knew it all. For years, even after the end of a ten-year enlistment, I continued down the crazy path of the outlaw biker. I ran with a tough crowd and did all manner of things that fly in the face of good judgement. Only now, I had ten years of Marine Corps training and attitude deeply instilled. I stole when the mood struck, I lied to anybody I thought I needed to, I drank to excess and smoked pot likeTommy Chong. I abused the trust that was placed in me and took advantage of any situation I thought I could get away with, regardless of how large or small the reward. I did whatever I thought was good for MY situation and had no concern for anyone elses. So, after three decades of treating people like dirt, doing things "my way", and abusing every relationship I had, I suddenly found myself in the same shape I had seen others in and refused to help. I had let my life and the things in it slip into a total state of collapse. My marriage, my finances, my employment, my friends...all started to take a nose-dive. At the time, that small voice was there, trying to tell me something, but I turned a deaf ear to it and continued to struggle on like I had always done in the past. Well, after the weight of my situation got to be completely unbearable, with all of the noise going on in my head, all of the problems I was facing talking at once, that's when that small voice got just loud enough that I finally heard it and started paying attention. I mean, nothing I had thought of was working, I might as well at least take the time to listen. At first, I didn't like what I was hearing, 'cuz it was all about me and it was all bad. I considered doing something that would cover up the small voice, but just before I did, the thought was put in my head, "OK, if you're happy with the way things are, then go back to ignoring me.". That was cause for pause. Struggle...man, you don't know the half-of-it. I had been used to doing things a certain way, thinking along certain lines, and formed habits that were going to be hard to break. I had long-held opinions that were now up for review. I had many prejudices that I had formed along the way. Not just racial, but gender-related, concerning nationalities, religions...heck, they pretty-much ran the gammet. Now I was faced with the consequences of those prejudices and my behavior in general. Situations and events from the past came back to stare me right in the face, as if they had just occurred. Old wounds were opened and it was kind of like being removed from myself, so I could see myself. You get what I'm trying to say here? It was all about self-reflection. The further I went, the more I saw how the way I had lived my life was directly responsible for the situation I had found myself in. The more I thought about it, with a totally open mind, the more I understood that no one was to blame for the troubles in my life except ME! As I looked back, I saw, all too clearly, the opportunities I had missed, the people I had treated wrongly and that didn't deserve it, the way I must appear to those people and I understand if they never forgive me. I wouldn't want to be in the position or the situation I placed other people in for my own benefit. You can call it Karma, fate, luck or whatever...I have to characterize it as living my life against the will of God. Once I came to that conclusion and started trying to develop a relationship with Him, the feeling placed on my heart was that He wasn't going to have a whole heck-of-a-lot to do with me until I corrected my attitude toward others. I had changes in my personality and my way of thinking to make before anything would happen. So, I set about each day with a concentrated effort to go about business as usual, but to take just a brief second to see how the "old me" would do things, then do the opposite. Man, it was hard at first. If someone cut me off in traffic, my first instinct was to send 'em a finger. I really had to fight the urge and make a concious decision to back-out of the throttle and wave them over. They were aware of what they had done and when they looked back in the mirror to see me waving them over instead of shooting them the bird, you could see the look of confusion on their face as they looked back once, then again  as if they couldn't believe what just happened. I was the type that, if I saw an opening in traffic and thought I could fit, I'd take it. Regardless of whether or not I made someone slam on their brakes and slosh coffe all over their laps. All I cared about was getting that spot. Well, I've found myself facing that very situation on several occasions since my "turn-around", and I'm happy to say that you need not fear spilling your coffee because of me. The total scope of the transformation I was seeking was just too overwhelming to try and perform all at once, so I decided that it would be best to take it one area at a time. For me, it's easier to concentrate on changing just one aspect at a time. When I'm comfortable with the changes in one area, I move on to the next. You'll have to put them in order of importance as it pertains to your personal situation, but if you're serious about making changes in your life, this works best for me.

 To find your way out of the darkness of everyday struggles, it is my personal belief that it ain't gonna happen until you get right with He who created you.I don't care what religion you practice or by what name you call Him,you're gonna have to go to Him, hat-in hand, and confess that yes, assofar you've made a mess of your life and you realize now that you need His help to straighten things out. It has to be a concious effort on your part. Sincerity is paramount. Look, you can't get what you're looking for from a book, a magazine, a movie or a TV show. You're not gonna get it from another person and you can't buy it in the store or on-line. There's only one source for what you've been searching for your whole life. God. It took the better part of fifty years for me to figure it out. I've seen enough and been through enough to know what works and what doesn't. Mainly because in my days of hammer-headedness I've tried just about everything I could think of to try and bring joy, happiness and meaning to an otherwise pointless life. Nothing had any lasting effect. Not until I came to grips with the fact that I wasn't the bad-ass I thought I was,..that I really didn't know-it-all. Not until I finally understood that in order for me to get anywhere in life, not just out of the current hole I was in, but anywhere at all, I was gonna have to surrender my life to Him and take directions as they come. Not how I wanted to take them, but as they come! That was a bitter pill for a former-Marine, biker-type to swallow. I mean, I had my pride, right? That's when I was taught about HUMILITY. I was shown that pride is the biggest stumbling-block in my path. Pride will keep you from telling the truth. Pride will make you put those important in your life in a bad situation. Pride will come between you and opportunity. Pride can ruin a friendship, a romantic relationship, a business relationship. Pride can fog-up the mirror you look into so that you can't see the real you. Pride hurts. It just hurts the wrong people. I have had to re-learn most of what I know about people, as I have realized that all of those pre-conceived notions I used to carry around were all wrong. I had to re-train myself how to deal with people one-on-one. I had to learn to take the time to listen and pay attention to what folks are saying instead of just paying them lip-service, like I really cared. Now I do care what people have to say. Now, I'm interested in other peoples' problems and I try to involve myself to the point of having a positive effect on their situation. I've found that by giving more of myself, I receive a far-greater reward...peace in my soul.

 Yeah, I've done a lot of changing in the not-so-distant past, and already I can see the blessings multiplying in my life. I don't worry about what tomorrow might bring, 'cuz I don't have any control over it anyhow. I get up every day and thank God that I did and for the promise of the day to come. I ask Him to help me in my daily dealings with people and give me the wisdom to treat them with proper respect. I ask for His favor in business dealings and pray for those less fortunate than I. I have learned that if I just ask Him to hang-around with me all day, He will. It's pretty cool...no, it's way cool to know that I have God's ear anytime I need it. It's pretty cool to know that after making such a mess of my own life and being such a bad influence on other peoples' lives that I still have a chance for a good outcome and to spend the rest of my days on earth with joy in my life instead of the nagging sorrow that used to follow me around. I don't want anyone to think that at the end of this diatribe there's gonna be an invite to church or anything. I have no alterior motives. What you have read is from my heart. I know, if given the chance, God can work wonders in your life, too. But you gotta play by His rules. This is unlike anything I've ever experienced. If you do what God teaches, He will do for you what He says He will. Take it from a former bad-ass...it's the truth and it works. I don't attend any church on a regular basis. When I do go, I like to try differemt churches and listen to different points-of-view. I know what I believe, I'm just interested in what works for other people.

 Bottom line...If you're tired of the way things are and you know in your heart-of-hearts that there's something better out there but you just can't quite get a grip on what it is, bow your head and ask Almighty God into your heart. After making the mistake of trying everything else first, I finally found what works for me. To find out if He will do for you what He's done and is doing for me, you and you-alone have a decision to make. How you gonna act?