Wanna know why things in your life just won't quite come together? Wanna know why you just can't quite get a handle on life and why it seems like an endless struggle? Maybe the first step is to take a good, long look in the mirror. Before I go any further, allow me to explain that all of which I am about to write is from personal experience.
If it seems that every day is the same old struggle, it's probably of your own making. I'm not the personal judge of everyone on the planet. That's God's job. I am telling you what I found out about myself and how my attitude affected my daily life. Maybe you can gleen something of interest from my words that may help in your life. I was (notice the past-tense) one of those people who got up every day hoping for the best but expecting the worst. That's what I usually got. I thought that everybody I came in contact with owed me something. I thought that everybody should think the way I do and shunned those that didn't. To best describe my attitude, I would have to call myself selfish and close-minded. Other peoples' problems didn't concern me. I had my own problems and I was willing to match their severity with anyones. I thought that nobody had it worse-off than I did. That's when a small voice inside me that I had been totally ignoring my whole life got just loud enough that I couldn't play it off anymore. There was something to it and my natural human curiosity took over. So, I listened to it. I mean, I sincerely concentrated on what this small voice was trying to tell me. Was I nuts? Did I need therapy? I had a slew of questions when I first started listening, but as time went on, I noticed that there was an order to what I was hearing. There was meaning and purpose. So, I asked myself,"Where is this coming from? This can't be coming from my head!" Well, I knew that I wasn't having these thought on my own. I know me pretty well and I just didn't think that way. In the back of my mind, since an early age, I had always believed in the existence of God. I never had any kind of relationship with Him, except that I knew He existed. I never took much stock or put any faith in what His abilities were as they hadn't ever played a part in my life (or so I thought). I never realized as I was growing up that certain events in my life and certain experiences were put there for a reason. I learned at least something from each and every one of them, but I never put it all together until I started listening to that small voice.
I grew up in the Texas panhandle in a family of five crazy boys, a dad that was always working and a mom who tried to hold us all together. We were a wild bunch. As I got older, my attitude hardened and I was, in my mind, a real bad-BLEEP. I took on the biker lifestyle at around age 15. Had my first Harley at 16, joined the Marines at 18, and from there my life took one crazy turn after another. I was loose on the world and thought I knew it all. For years, even after the end of a ten-year enlistment, I continued down the crazy path of the outlaw biker. I ran with a tough crowd and did all manner of things that fly in the face of good judgement. Only now, I had ten years of Marine Corps training and attitude deeply instilled. I stole when the mood struck, I lied to anybody I thought I needed to, I drank to excess and smoked pot likeTommy Chong. I abused the trust that was placed in me and took advantage of any situation I thought I could get away with, regardless of how large or small the reward. I did whatever I thought was good for MY situation and had no concern for anyone elses. So, after three decades of treating people like dirt, doing things "my way", and abusing every relationship I had, I suddenly found myself in the same shape I had seen others in and refused to help. I had let my life and the things in it slip into a total state of collapse. My marriage, my finances, my employment, my friends...all started to take a nose-dive. At the time, that small voice was there, trying to tell me something, but I turned a deaf ear to it and continued to struggle on like I had always done in the past. Well, after the weight of my situation got to be completely unbearable, with all of the noise going on in my head, all of the problems I was facing talking at once, that's when that small voice got just loud enough that I finally heard it and started paying attention. I mean, nothing I had thought of was working, I might as well at least take the time to listen. At first, I didn't like what I was hearing, 'cuz it was all about me and it was all bad. I considered doing something that would cover up the small voice, but just before I did, the thought was put in my head, "OK, if you're happy with the way things are, then go back to ignoring me.". That was cause for pause. Struggle...man, you don't know the half-of-it. I had been used to doing things a certain way, thinking along certain lines, and formed habits that were going to be hard to break. I had long-held opinions that were now up for review. I had many prejudices that I had formed along the way. Not just racial, but gender-related, concerning nationalities, religions...heck, they pretty-much ran the gammet. Now I was faced with the consequences of those prejudices and my behavior in general. Situations and events from the past came back to stare me right in the face, as if they had just occurred. Old wounds were opened and it was kind of like being removed from myself, so I could see myself. You get what I'm trying to say here? It was all about self-reflection. The further I went, the more I saw how the way I had lived my life was directly responsible for the situation I had found myself in. The more I thought about it, with a totally open mind, the more I understood that no one was to blame for the troubles in my life except ME! As I looked back, I saw, all too clearly, the opportunities I had missed, the people I had treated wrongly and that didn't deserve it, the way I must appear to those people and I understand if they never forgive me. I wouldn't want to be in the position or the situation I placed other people in for my own benefit. You can call it Karma, fate, luck or whatever...I have to characterize it as living my life against the will of God. Once I came to that conclusion and started trying to develop a relationship with Him, the feeling placed on my heart was that He wasn't going to have a whole heck-of-a-lot to do with me until I corrected my attitude toward others. I had changes in my personality and my way of thinking to make before anything would happen. So, I set about each day with a concentrated effort to go about business as usual, but to take just a brief second to see how the "old me" would do things, then do the opposite. Man, it was hard at first. If someone cut me off in traffic, my first instinct was to send 'em a finger. I really had to fight the urge and make a concious decision to back-out of the throttle and wave them over. They were aware of what they had done and when they looked back in the mirror to see me waving them over instead of shooting them the bird, you could see the look of confusion on their face as they looked back once, then again as if they couldn't believe what just happened. I was the type that, if I saw an opening in traffic and thought I could fit, I'd take it. Regardless of whether or not I made someone slam on their brakes and slosh coffe all over their laps. All I cared about was getting that spot. Well, I've found myself facing that very situation on several occasions since my "turn-around", and I'm happy to say that you need not fear spilling your coffee because of me. The total scope of the transformation I was seeking was just too overwhelming to try and perform all at once, so I decided that it would be best to take it one area at a time. For me, it's easier to concentrate on changing just one aspect at a time. When I'm comfortable with the changes in one area, I move on to the next. You'll have to put them in order of importance as it pertains to your personal situation, but if you're serious about making changes in your life, this works best for me.
To find your way out of the darkness of everyday struggles, it is my personal belief that it ain't gonna happen until you get right with He who created you.I don't care what religion you practice or by what name you call Him,you're gonna have to go to Him, hat-in hand, and confess that yes, assofar you've made a mess of your life and you realize now that you need His help to straighten things out. It has to be a concious effort on your part. Sincerity is paramount. Look, you can't get what you're looking for from a book, a magazine, a movie or a TV show. You're not gonna get it from another person and you can't buy it in the store or on-line. There's only one source for what you've been searching for your whole life. God. It took the better part of fifty years for me to figure it out. I've seen enough and been through enough to know what works and what doesn't. Mainly because in my days of hammer-headedness I've tried just about everything I could think of to try and bring joy, happiness and meaning to an otherwise pointless life. Nothing had any lasting effect. Not until I came to grips with the fact that I wasn't the bad-BLEEP I thought I was,..that I really didn't know-it-all. Not until I finally understood that in order for me to get anywhere in life, not just out of the current hole I was in, but anywhere at all, I was gonna have to surrender my life to Him and take directions as they come. Not how I wanted to take them, but as they come! That was a bitter pill for a former-Marine, biker-type to swallow. I mean, I had my pride, right? That's when I was taught about HUMILITY. I was shown that pride is the biggest stumbling-block in my path. Pride will keep you from telling the truth. Pride will make you put those important in your life in a bad situation. Pride will come between you and opportunity. Pride can ruin a friendship, a romantic relationship, a business relationship. Pride can fog-up the mirror you look into so that you can't see the real you. Pride hurts. It just hurts the wrong people. I have had to re-learn most of what I know about people, as I have realized that all of those pre-conceived notions I used to carry around were all wrong. I had to re-train myself how to deal with people one-on-one. I had to learn to take the time to listen and pay attention to what folks are saying instead of just paying them lip-service, like I really cared. Now I do care what people have to say. Now, I'm interested in other peoples' problems and I try to involve myself to the point of having a positive effect on their situation. I've found that by giving more of myself, I receive a far-greater reward...peace in my soul.
Yeah, I've done a lot of changing in the not-so-distant past, and already I can see the blessings multiplying in my life. I don't worry about what tomorrow might bring, 'cuz I don't have any control over it anyhow. I get up every day and thank God that I did and for the promise of the day to come. I ask Him to help me in my daily dealings with people and give me the wisdom to treat them with proper respect. I ask for His favor in business dealings and pray for those less fortunate than I. I have learned that if I just ask Him to hang-around with me all day, He will. It's pretty cool...no, it's way cool to know that I have God's ear anytime I need it. It's pretty cool to know that after making such a mess of my own life and being such a bad influence on other peoples' lives that I still have a chance for a good outcome and to spend the rest of my days on earth with joy in my life instead of the nagging sorrow that used to follow me around. I don't want anyone to think that at the end of this diatribe there's gonna be an invite to church or anything. I have no alterior motives. What you have read is from my heart. I know, if given the chance, God can work wonders in your life, too. But you gotta play by His rules. This is unlike anything I've ever experienced. If you do what God teaches, He will do for you what He says He will. Take it from a former bad-BLEEP...it's the truth and it works. I don't attend any church on a regular basis. When I do go, I like to try differemt churches and listen to different points-of-view. I know what I believe, I'm just interested in what works for other people.
Bottom line...If you're tired of the way things are and you know in your heart-of-hearts that there's something better out there but you just can't quite get a grip on what it is, bow your head and ask Almighty God into your heart. After making the mistake of trying everything else first, I finally found what works for me. To find out if He will do for you what He's done and is doing for me, you and you-alone have a decision to make. How you gonna act?
